


Wherever He May Go

by pinkishwish



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: And in love, Fluff, M/M, they're both dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 23:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21144662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkishwish/pseuds/pinkishwish
Summary: Joker won't shut up on the ride back to Arkham.





	Wherever He May Go

The Joker rattled his cuffs, kicked the dashboard of the batmobile and groaned loudly in boredom.

Unfortunately, Bruce must have twitched or shown _some_ discrete nonverbal indication that he faintly, ever so slightly acknowledged the clown’s existence, because Joker’s lips immediately yanked back into their usual Cheshire shape. 

“How’d ya like the stage I prepared for us, darling?” Bruce gritted his teeth. The Joker’s eyes dragged across his now iron grip on the wheel, “I thought the, uh, dismembered blonde really set the mood. The ambiance w-“

“Shut up.” Bruce snapped. Joker giggled.

“Whatever you say, dear.” 

They rode in silence, or at least Bruce did. After no more than eight seconds of relief, Joker attempted to recapture his attention by kicking the dashboard with all the force his bound legs could muster. _ Bang. Bangbang. Bang. _

Bruce focused on the road, the familiar signs that led to the asylum. Then he realized the Joker started singing. Something just short of fury bubbled in his chest yet again. 

“There isn’t an ocean too deep,” he sang, “a mountain so high it can keep, keep me away.”

He wished he was deaf._ Signs and landmarks, right._ Second street, Wayne tower-

“_I love him, I love him I love him _.” 

Townhall. _ Bang._ Was he seriously _still _kicking the dashboard? Bruce briefly wondered if he expected anything more from Gotham’s maniacal homicide clown. 

And where he goes_ I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow. _

The words echoed in his head now, an inescapable cacophony that resembled his fate. 

Joker didn’t have a particularly bad singing voice, but the lyrics— each caused Bruce a spike of dread. The idea of the Joker’s games never coming to an end could put the fear of God in anyone.

Even so, the misery came with a mix of fondness and familiarity towards the ridiculousness of it all, perhaps even towards the man himself. Joker went underground for several months prior to their encounter that night and a part of Bruce missed their ridiculous rides to Arkham. Somehow, the annoying ritual grew on him. He would worry about the implications of that at a later time.

“He'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love.” 

Just get him to Arkham, he told himself. He felt a headache in the makes and knew if he gripped the wheel any tighter it may bend out of shape. 

“From now until forever, forever, forever, forever_ foreverforeverforever.” _

The car swerved to a stop on the side of a vacant street that Bruce forgot to add to his therapeutic mental collection. 

“Cut that out.” He barked, seconds away from pummeling the clown a second time. Joker shrunk, raising his hands. Blue orbs gazed up at Batman in mock fear. 

“Cut what out?” He asked innocently. Bruce’s nostrils flared. 

“Your-,” he inwardly collected himself before proceeding, “Your singing.” 

“Is there something wrong with it? You never minded before today.”

“Well, you’ve never sung about-“

Joker straightened up.

“About what, Batsy?”

  
Batman said nothing. Joker’s face twisted in record time. 

“Well, _love,_ there’s no radio. And I’m about to be locked up nice and cozy in an empty white box courtesy of a grown man dressed up as a rat, but please, continue to make a spectacle about my singing.” Bruce flushed. From anger, shame? He couldn’t tell. Maybe it was something else entirely. Maybe.

“Fine. Sing.”

“I will.” Joker huffed. A pause, “Say, you wouldn’t happen to be worried about little old me having a teensy crush on the Batman, would you?”

Bruce took the Batmobile out of park and pulled back into the lane that led to Arkham. 

“No, that couldn’t be it. Too obvious.” The Joker mumbled, tapped his fingers across his cheek as Bruce drove, trying his best (and failing) to tune him out.

“Help me out here, detective. Is it Catwoman? Goodness, what would she think? All the late nights we spend on rooftops together, the moonlight...” He sighed, nostalgic and seemingly filled with remorse by the supposed discovery, “Be still, my heart.” 

Pine street.

“No-no. No. Nope.” 

How much longer until they reached Arkham? Pine street seemed endless from where Bruce sat. 

“Oh, or is it... No, it couldn’t be.” Batman glared. Joker grinned, all teeth. 

“Stay quiet or I’ll gag you.” The Joker cackled.

“Bat. Batman. Dear.”

“What.” 

“I know who you, uh, like.”

Bruce never thought the sight of Arkham's steel gates would bring him so much joy. When he pulled up, teams of well-prepared employees stood ready for the Joker outside the tinted windows of the Batmobile.

Joker groaned once, then again, and sunk into his seat. 

“Just when we were getting to the fun part.” He threw his arms up, which were apparently loose. 

Bruce grabbed his wrists and restrained them with something more durable for the safety of the Arkham employees (and Gotham in general). Joker rolled his eyes.

“I’ll behave, I will. Go away before you turn into a pumpkin.” He grumbled. The sun rose on the horizon, flushed the sky with streaks of orange and dawn. The pair sat quietly for a brief pocket of time, watched the sun peek through the surrounding trees. 

The rare peace of the moment stunned him. 

And perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, or the daylight, but Bruce’s lips twitched upwards. He turned to open his door in and escort Joker to the staff, a fate to which Joker seemed resigned to.

Before he did, Bruce twisted again in his seat and yanked the other man by his tie so that their lips met, unexpectedly and a bit unpleasantly, but they met all the same. Bruce pulled away.

The Joker seemed uncharacteristically flabbergasted and for once in his life, at a loss for words. 

Bruce exited the car, dragged Joker from his seat and through the gates. He made sure the clown was safely deposited before he returned to the Batmobile. As he drove away, the man eagerly saw him off, waved with his newly unbound arms and blew kiss after kiss in Bruce’s direction, practically stumbling over himself on the steps of the asylum.

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Peggy March's "I Will Follow Him." Link:  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgPMYQTINNk


End file.
